jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Page 5 of 12 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 10, 11, 12  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by pvtparts on Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:39 pm

The cat fell in the well and the rooster laughed.
This goes to show you...
...a wet pussy makes a cock happy.


A woman was angry that her husband was making sex with her only with the light off. Decided to get rid of her husbandís custom, one night, when they were making sex she turns the light on and surprises her husband with a cucumber in his hands.
Thatís what you fucked me with in the last 10 years?
Honey, let me explain...
What to explain, you traitor! You impotent!
By the way about treachery, do explain to me whatís with the two kids we have!


How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave


There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.


This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
avatar
pvtparts
Total god!
Total god!

Number of posts : 533
Location : England , stockton-on-drugs!!!
Registration date : 2007-06-12

View user profile http://ilovemen@hotmail.com

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Tue Oct 30, 2007 10:04 pm

parts u insolent fool your 2nd joke is the same as the one i posted above. noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooob lol

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by pvtparts on Tue Oct 30, 2007 11:58 pm

u know wot i seriously thought i read that before lol Razz
avatar
pvtparts
Total god!
Total god!

Number of posts : 533
Location : England , stockton-on-drugs!!!
Registration date : 2007-06-12

View user profile http://ilovemen@hotmail.com

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Wed Oct 31, 2007 12:14 am

Never buy a dwarf with learning dificulties! Its not big and its not fucking clever!

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by pvtparts on Wed Oct 31, 2007 12:29 am

lol
avatar
pvtparts
Total god!
Total god!

Number of posts : 533
Location : England , stockton-on-drugs!!!
Registration date : 2007-06-12

View user profile http://ilovemen@hotmail.com

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Tue Nov 06, 2007 3:01 pm

man and woman getting it on in bed when he is about to come he says to his wife "hey how about we get kinky and i come in your ear?" "no way" says his wife "i might go deaf"
man replies "look love i've been coming in your mouth for years and you still havent shut up"

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Puaj on Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:33 pm

LOL !!! lol!

_________________
"Puajted"



avatar
Puaj
Clan Member

Number of posts : 787
Age : 40
Location : Buenos Aires ARG
Registration date : 2007-07-11

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:19 pm

the pride of my home town. at the nightclub i used to work on. this is an every weekend occurrance. very sad, but also hilarious.


<object><param></param><param></param></object>


*shakes head and tuts* drunken drunken drunken Shocked Shocked

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Fri Nov 09, 2007 1:12 am

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?



a pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven.



(sorry to any jewish members)

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by spetsnaz on Fri Nov 09, 2007 10:02 am

Hey i posted that one earlyer Rampie.
avatar
spetsnaz
Clan Member

Number of posts : 211
Location : Holland
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Fri Nov 09, 2007 4:20 pm

ahhh sorry man, u seen that video i posted? good old english girls eh lol.

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by spetsnaz on Fri Nov 09, 2007 5:32 pm

i dont have sound at work so i dont hear what she is talking bout!!
I would fuck her when im drunk.
avatar
spetsnaz
Clan Member

Number of posts : 211
Location : Holland
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:21 pm

englishman, irishman and a paki have all been sentanced to 20 lashes for spying. the punisher says to the paki "you have 1 wish what is it?" paki says "a pillow strapped to my back" after 6 lashes it rips open and he screams in pain. he turns to the irishman and says "whats ur wish?" "i want 2 pillows strapped to my back" says the irishman after 15 lashes it rips open and the whip tears into his back. the punisher turns to the englishman and says "you come from a beautifull land, you may have 2 wishies" englishman says "i want 300 lashes" fuck me! says the punisher. whats your 2nd wish? "i want that fuckin paki strapped to my back!"

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by misterwilton on Mon Nov 12, 2007 3:42 pm

This is a very interesting video although the REAL reason it is interesting is that the star only appears to be a lady.

In fact I can reveal that it is Rampo all dragged up for some Saturday night cock fun.
avatar
misterwilton
Clan Member

Number of posts : 322
Age : 108
Location : scodlud, land of colds
Registration date : 2007-06-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by misterwilton on Mon Nov 12, 2007 3:44 pm

I can also reveal that the Latin motto for Darlington, shown in the video - 'Optima Petamus' - means:

WE ARE SMELLING BETTER
avatar
misterwilton
Clan Member

Number of posts : 322
Age : 108
Location : scodlud, land of colds
Registration date : 2007-06-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Mon Nov 12, 2007 4:03 pm

all of it is true, apart from im not the drag act in that particular wideo. as she allegedly had nasty track marks from injecting on her arms lol.

basically she was havin a go at my mate about competing in briitans strongest man with a broken wrist. so he did what he does best and filmed it and put it on youtube lol.

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:15 am

what do you call a street with no pakis, niggers, or immigrants living on it?


Quality street!!

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:22 am

teacher to class "so the bible dictates we are all the children of adam and eve"

little boy raises his hand and says "miss, my dad says we are all decended from apes in the jungles"

teacher: "we're not talking about your fucking family you know sankar"

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:31 am

paddy on death row gets the chance to be shot, hung or injected with the AIDS virus for a slow and painfull death. "give me the AIDS jab but make it 2 just to be safe eh?"
they inject him twice and he walks out the door laughing his irish arse off. "here paddy whats so fucking funny?" asks the executioner. paddy turns back and says "im wearing a condom!!"





paddy pulls alongside a truck driver and says "look here your loosing your load fella" truck driver shouts "fuck off"
5 miles later "hey your loosing your load!" truck driver says "will you just fuck off!" a further 5 miles down the road paddy screams "honestly mate your loosing your load!!"
truck driver says "listen ere you thick irish twat im gritting the road!!"

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by misterwilton on Mon Nov 19, 2007 5:40 am

the saddest thing about all this - from my point of view - is that i used to be able watch YouTube vids pretty smartish. Then three months ago, my ISP, AOL, sent me an email saying they were improving my broadband speed for nothing. Naturally enough I sent them an emial of thanks and offered to come in any orifice required.

Nothing happened until abouat ten days ago, when AOL sent me an email saying they had improved my broadband speed as promised. At precisely this point YouTube videos became unwatchably slow to download .. so I have only seen the first minute of Rampo's epic ...

I watched all the way through Fats falling down in an outdoor sewer though, even though it took near enough twenty minutes Smile
avatar
misterwilton
Clan Member

Number of posts : 322
Age : 108
Location : scodlud, land of colds
Registration date : 2007-06-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:34 pm

paddy and murphy walking along one day when paddy falls down a manhole. murphy shouts "paddy paddy are you ok? is it dark down there fella?"
"i dunno i cant see" replies paddy

paddy and murphy walking along the road when paddy gets knocked over by a car, murphy runs over "fuckin hell paddy you want me to call you an ambulance?" paddy replies yes i do murphy" so murphy shouts "PADDY IS AN AMBULANCE! PADDY IS AN AMBULANCE!!!"


a little black boy is helping his mam cook dinner when he gets flour all over him "look mam im a white boy!" his mother turns and clips him round the ear "GO SEE YA FATHER" she shouts. "daddy daddy look im a white boy" his dad gives him another slap round the head "Go see ya grandma" the dad says. "grandma grandma look im a little white boy!" she slaps his hand and says "go see your mother again" so the little boy goes to his mam and his mother asks him "so what have u learnt today" "WELL" says the kid, "i've only been white five minutes and i hate you black bastards already!"














LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WILTON.
that was my 200th Post on these forums. i thank you for your patience. may i go to 300 gracefully.

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Puaj on Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:04 am

Gongratzs SIR RAMPAGE! U may now continue your glorious way to the become the oficiall clan posting man! Very Happy May the force be with u..as wilton would say...

_________________
"Puajted"



avatar
Puaj
Clan Member

Number of posts : 787
Age : 40
Location : Buenos Aires ARG
Registration date : 2007-07-11

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:30 pm

a man is waiting outside the delivery room when the midwife walks in holding a black baby "you sure he is yours?" she says "probably" replies the man "she burns everything else"



lol!

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Leon on Sat Nov 24, 2007 12:56 am

Lol ramp
avatar
Leon
Admin

Number of posts : 185
Age : 30
Location : England, LIVERPOOL!!!
Registration date : 2007-07-11

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Rampage on Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:40 am

man and wife arguing one day when the husband shouts "i cant wait till your dead! im gonna get a headstone for u saying here lies my wife, cold as ever!!"
"yeah?" says the wife "well i cant fuckin wait till you die cos im gonna put on your headstone here lies my husband, stiff at last!"

_________________
Scissor me timbers!

political pictures - He Gave Up TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of Bourbon for These Bad Boys
see more Political Pictures




avatar
Rampage
Clan Member

Number of posts : 605
Age : 33
Location : North east england!
Registration date : 2007-06-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: jokes! get em all in here! (may be offensive to all)

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 5 of 12 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 10, 11, 12  Next

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum